Thursday, April 24, 2014

The Obsession Over The Good Girl Syndrome

So here it goes: good girls make me cringe. It is such a strong feeling that if I ever had a daughter, just to spite me, she would probably be a good girl, and I would have to spend all my energy trying to develop the bad girl within her. 

No, it's not that I suffered from a good girl syndrome myself, but I suffered from doubting myself for not wanting to be a good girl. It was very confusing ~ while I have always followed my conscious, I was bad: I never liked skirts below the knee, I never cared to please adults, I never wanted to be neat, and I never could even imagine living with my future mother-in-law under the same roof. Thus, I was bad

But, honestly, who set the rules? Who said that boys shouldn't cry and that girls shouldn't be messy?!

If I ever had a daughter, I would never tell her ~what will others think? 
If I ever had a daughter, I would tell her that she should not worry about whether or not everyone likes her, that she should feel free to say NO if things don't feel right, and that she should only be true to herself. 
If I ever had a daughter, I would tell her that her life, time, and interests are as worthy as anyone else's. 

It took me over 40 years to finally shake off the invisible chains of blaming myself for not being good. I finally realized that it is not bad to be bad

Oh, all the things I would tell my daughter, if I ever had one...

Any thoughts?

xo, Zuma A.
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Image Credit: Princess Cute Boutique 


  1. I think these issues are so ingrained by various cultures that it's really difficult - even more than 50 years after The Feminine Mystique was published - to get rid of. I was fed the "good girl" philosophy growing up, though I feel that as a female, I have MORE opportunities to do things and to feel a certain way then I would had I been male. If you really think about it, it's more okay for girls/women to be messy and to "act masculine" than a boy/man is to cry or do things that are seen by our society as "female." A female soldier is MORE accepted than a male RN. And for something more anecdotal: I feel that had I been a boy, I would have had more pressure to follow my father's footsteps and go into finance. As a girl, I was allowed to pursue (almost) any career I wanted (though they drew the line at actress/singer).

    1. It's amazing how everyone is has her own story! My mom was so worried that I no one would marry me, that she was trying so hard to squeeze me into the box. But then I married a boy of my choice, and, many years later, our marriage was the only one that survived as opposed to all of my "goof girl" friends'. Times are changing. Slowly, but surely. xx


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