Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Do You Like Me?

A few weeks ago, when I was checking my Facebook timeline, I came across with a quote from the movie Amadeus. It was a conversation between Mozart's wife and Salieri about Mozart's music:

           Constanze Mozart: Is it not good?
           Salieri: It is miraculous.

This quote stuck in my mind for quite some time - how could she possibly doubt? She heard the music!

But have we really changed in the last hundreds of years?! Hmmm...

Inspite of the rise of a new generation of female CEOs who rule companies, represent states, defend clients, and perform surgeries,  there are still so many of us who come home and somehow lose the tough confidence in our private lives.

When it comes to my private life and life as a writer, I am guilty of doubting myself from time to time.  While I don't ask for approval for every blog post I write or for every cupcake I bake, the doubts do drive me crazy until I hear the praise like "your cupcakes are delicious!" Phew.

Last Saturday was Alex's birthday. We decided to do a small party and invite 10 kids. After a few conversations with Alex, the Mad Scientist party was planned and ten invitations were sent weeks in advance... So why did the RSVPs not start coming? The weekend passed, and then the week, and then another weekend...  Then, slowly, the regrets started coming.

Closer to the date of the party, I started getting nervous. Every day I would wake up and check emails to see if anyone else is coming. The doubts were driving me crazy. Did everyone receive the invite? Or do they not like Alex? Or did I need to be more friendly with the other kids' moms?..

...The night before the party, I texted my friend something in the lines of: it seems that only 6 kids are coming to the party. And she responded something in the lines of: great, we will be there too!

Wait! Was I driving myself crazy because a few people won't come to the party, instead of being happy about those who would come?! And honestly, don't I understand that other people's lives don't revolve around me and my kid's party?! They may have other plans!

The party turned out to be amazing. Alex was surrounded with love and happiness! He got to do the awesome scientific experiments with his friends, got lots of birthday wishes, cool presents, and green haired chocolate chip cupcakes. What else could a 9-year-old possibly need?!
Green Hair Chocolate Chip Cupcakes
The Mad Scientist's Assistant
Now This Is How Fog Is Created!
Cotton Candy. Yumm
 When the day was over, and I settled down to unwind, the thought about my lack of confidence started bugging me again. While I am a tough, decisive and confident during my day job, I am a softie wimp at home. Why such a drastic difference? Is it hundreds of years of suppression and traditions? Is it because I had been told that I cannot do this or that because it is not appropriate? Is it because I am simply a wimp?

Well, whatever it is, from now on, whenever I don't hear a praise, I won't allow myself to assume that somehow it is because I did something less than perfect... and even if I did, at least I tried and that counts for something.

xo Zuma A.

1 comment:

  1. This is so true. A research project has been done on male versus female confidence, which showed a drastic difference between two genders. For example, when woman is looking at herself in the mirror, the idea is crossing her mind: "Even though I exercise a lot, I still need to loose 3 more pounds". If man is looking at himself in the mirror, he tends to think: "Oh! Well! Even though I started ti loose more hair and getting a little overweight, women still like me. I am still a handsome guy!"
    We, females, should be more confident and sure of ourselves!


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